[... a continuation.]
I never knew he was sick. He lived an active lifestyle, both in a good and bad way.
He played a few sports but also drank alcohol and smoked excessively. He quit smoking sometime in 2011, I think.
As I have mentioned in my previous post, we rarely talked after our "non-relationship." But last year, 2012, we did communicate more than we did in the past 2 years.
In the recent months, he would send me a text message out of the blue just to ask how I was doing. If I was feeling frustrated with work, I also bug him just to get distracted.
In October, we communicated more than usual. He wanted to see me to catch up. It never happened, I was either busy with work or I already had previous plans. When I'm free, he was the one who had other commitments.
Then we finally found a date we agreed on - November 4 but we were also planning to meet on October 28.
That never came to be... On Saturday, October 27th, he told me had to run some errands for his Dad. I didn't mind, I was already used to that. We always had issues with "planned dates" when we were still going out.
That Sunday, I sent him a message telling him that "Some things never changed." I never got a reply, and I didn't bother.
On Monday morning, as I was going through my morning chores, he sent me a message saying sorry for flaking out on me. He said he was in the hospital. I got a little worried and asked if he was okay. I never got any reply.
As it turned out, that was his last message. I never found out why he was in the hospital because as fate would have it, the other messages I sent to him that day never got sent.
That week, I found myself restless and bothered. I didn't really know why, but on October 31, I felt the need to send him an email, which turned out to be my farewell letter to him. I didn't know then, but maybe it was the universe's way of telling me to say goodbye before it's too late. I don't know if he ever got to read it, but I'll include it in this series, for posterity's sake.
On the morning of November 3, in between watching re-runs of The Voice and checking FB/Twitter posts, a FB status message stood out. A friend posted "RIP, [first name + "nickname" + last name]..."
I was beyond shocked when I read that... I couldn't believe it, how can that be happening? We were just texting a week before.
I checked his FB wall and it was flooded with posts of condolences.
I never knew what happened. I neither went to his wake nor the funeral. All I know was that he was in the Philippine Heart Center, confined in the ICU for a couple of days. They said he died of internal bleeding and cardiac arrest.
Until today, I still can’t come to grips with what happened. For the most part of November and December, I felt as if my heart was broken every single day. It's worse than a break up.
I never got to say goodbye, say my thank you's and make peace with him.
This is why I am writing about him again... to finally say goodbye and close this chapter of my life.